My Mom Was Just Diagnosed With Dementia. What Do I Do Next?
Hearing that your mom has dementia can leave you with a strange combination of answers and new questions.
What kind of dementia does she have? How quickly will things change? Can she still live alone? Should she still be driving? Who needs to know? Do we need home care now? What legal documents should we put in place?
And perhaps the biggest question:
What am I supposed to do first?
You do not need to solve your mom's entire future this week.
A dementia diagnosis is the beginning of a planning process. The most useful first steps are to understand the diagnosis, identify any immediate safety concerns, get important legal and financial planning underway while your mom can participate, and begin building a support system around both her and your family.
Here is a practical place to start.
1. Make sure you understand the diagnosis
“Dementia” is not one specific disease. It describes a group of symptoms involving memory, thinking, reasoning or other cognitive abilities that interfere with everyday life.
Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause, but dementia can also result from vascular disease, Lewy body disease, frontotemporal degeneration and other conditions.
At your mom's next appointment, consider going with her if she wants you there. Bring a notebook and ask questions such as:
What type of dementia do you believe she has?
How confident are you in the diagnosis?
What stage does she appear to be in?
Are additional tests or specialist appointments recommended?
Are there medications or treatments that may be appropriate?
What changes should we expect?
Are there things she should no longer be doing independently?
When should she be seen again?
What symptoms should prompt us to call the doctor sooner?
Medicare Part B covers a separate cognitive assessment visit in qualifying circumstances to evaluate cognitive function and develop a care plan. That visit can include medication review, evaluation of the person's support system, advance-care planning and referrals to community resources. Medicare specifically notes that a family member, friend or caregiver can accompany the person to help provide information and listen to the discussion. Medicare
The National Institute on Aging similarly recommends continued medical follow-up, learning about the condition, connecting with services, making legal and financial plans and evaluating the home environment after a dementia diagnosis. NIH National Institute on Aging
2. Don't assume everything needs to change immediately
A diagnosis of dementia does not automatically mean your mom can no longer live at home, make decisions, cook, go out with friends or participate in the activities she enjoys.
People can receive a diagnosis while they are still functioning relatively independently.
Instead of immediately taking things away from her, start figuring out:
What can Mom still do safely on her own?
What is becoming difficult?
Where would a little support make life easier or safer?
This distinction matters.
The goal should be to preserve your mom's independence and involvement for as long as reasonably possible while adding support where it becomes necessary.
3. Check the most important safety issues
You don't need to turn her house upside down.
Start with the areas where a mistake could have serious consequences.
Pay particular attention to:
Driving. Has she gotten lost somewhere familiar, had unexplained dents or accidents, confused the pedals, missed signs, become disoriented or had noticeable problems with judgment?
Medication. Does she know what she takes and when? Are doses being missed or accidentally taken twice?
Cooking. Is she forgetting food on the stove or leaving appliances running?
Falls and mobility. Has she recently fallen, started holding onto furniture, or become less steady?
Getting lost or wandering. Has she become disoriented outside her home or had trouble finding her way back?
Finances. Are bills going unpaid? Is unusual spending appearing? Is she responding to suspicious calls, emails or solicitations?
Personal care and nutrition. Is she bathing, dressing, eating and drinking adequately?
Emergency response. If something happened while she was alone, would she know how to get help?
Don't treat this as a test she has to pass. You're trying to identify where support would reduce risk while allowing her to keep doing the things she can still do.
What about driving in Massachusetts?
A dementia diagnosis by itself is not the same thing as an automatic loss of a Massachusetts driver's license.
However, Massachusetts RMV standards state that a person medically determined to have a severe driving-related cognitive impairment that prevents the judgment or sustained attention necessary to drive safely is not eligible to operate a motor vehicle. A healthcare provider may also request an RMV competency road test in appropriate situations. Massachusetts Government
If driving is becoming questionable, bring it up directly with her physician rather than trying to make the determination yourself.
4. Have the legal conversations sooner, not later
This is one of the most important things families postpone.
Dementia is progressive in many cases. There may eventually come a time when your mom cannot make certain decisions independently.
Planning while she can fully participate gives her the greatest opportunity to decide what she wants.
Important topics to discuss with an elder-law attorney can include:
Health Care Proxy
Durable Power of Attorney
Will and estate documents
Access to financial accounts
Long-term-care planning
Housing preferences
Who she wants involved in future decisions
Massachusetts recognizes Health Care Proxies under state law and durable powers of attorney under the Massachusetts Uniform Probate Code. Massachusetts Government
In 2026, the Massachusetts Department of Public Health also promoted free multilingual Health Care Proxy and Personal Directive materials from Honoring Choices Massachusetts. The state's materials emphasize that a Health Care Proxy allows an adult to designate someone they trust to make healthcare decisions if they become unable to make those decisions themselves. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts information on Health Care Proxies and advance planning
This isn't about taking control away from your mom.
It's about making sure her choices remain in control if she eventually cannot communicate them herself.
5. Call MassOptions before you assume you have to figure everything out yourself
Massachusetts families have an unusually useful starting point:
MassOptions: 800-243-4636
MassOptions is a free statewide service that connects older adults, people with disabilities and families with local services and supports.
For someone diagnosed with dementia, you can ask MassOptions to connect you with an Options Counselor or your local Aging Services Access Point (ASAP). Massachusetts has 23 ASAPs contracted with the Executive Office of Aging & Independence. They help connect residents with programs involving care at home, nutrition, caregiver support, transportation, housing, safety and other needs. Massachusetts Government
This is worth doing even if your family expects to pay privately for some care.
You may discover programs or community resources you didn't know existed.
Find your Massachusetts Aging Services Access Point
6. Know that Massachusetts has dementia-specific programs too
Massachusetts maintains a statewide Alzheimer's disease and related dementias resource system through the Executive Office of Aging & Independence. Massachusetts Government
Depending on eligibility and need, programs available through the state's aging-services network can include options counseling, caregiver support, adult day programs, dementia coaching, personal care, companionship, meal preparation, money-management assistance, home-delivered meals and other supports. Eligibility and costs vary by program. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts has also published a Dementia Care Planning Toolkit, sample dementia care plans, a community-services guide and other dementia-planning resources for residents and care partners. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts dementia guides and care-planning resources
That is a resource I would absolutely include in the published Sundry article rather than trying to recreate everything ourselves.
7. Get support for yourself, too
One mistake adult children make is waiting until caregiving becomes overwhelming before looking for help.
Massachusetts operates a Family Caregiver Support Program. Eligible unpaid caregivers can be connected with a Caregiver Specialist at no cost. Services can include one-on-one guidance, care planning, support groups, education, community-resource referrals and, in some circumstances, respite support. Massachusetts Government
You can access the program through MassOptions at 800-243-4636.
Massachusetts Family Caregiver Support Program
You don't need to consider yourself a “caregiver” before calling.
If you're organizing appointments, checking on Mom every day, handling groceries, managing problems at the house and worrying about what happens next, you may already be taking on a caregiving role.
8. Use the Alzheimer's Association before there's a crisis
The Alzheimer’s Association Massachusetts/New Hampshire Chapter operates a free 24/7 Helpline at 800-272-3900.
This isn't simply an emergency number.
Families can call for help understanding dementia, making care decisions, finding local programs, dealing with behavioral changes, addressing safety issues, locating support groups and managing caregiver stress. The chapter says the helpline can also connect callers with master’s-level care consultants and offers language assistance in more than 200 languages. Alzheimer’s Association
Alzheimer's Association Massachusetts/New Hampshire 24/7 Helpline
There are also caregiver support groups and early-stage groups for people who themselves have received a dementia diagnosis. Alzheimer’s Association
9. Don't let dementia eliminate your mom's social life
After a diagnosis, families can become so focused on safety that life becomes a series of doctor's appointments and precautions.
Your mom still needs purpose, relationships, enjoyment and things to look forward to.
Massachusetts supports Memory Cafés, which are social gatherings designed to welcome people living with dementia along with family and friends. The state maintains a directory of Memory Cafés, and local Councils on Aging may offer additional dementia-friendly activities. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts dementia social-engagement resources and Memory Cafés
Depending on what your mom enjoys, maintaining familiar routines can be as simple as continuing walks, church, gardening, music, lunches with friends, visits with grandchildren or favorite hobbies, with additional support as necessary.
10. Decide what help she actually needs right now
A diagnosis does not necessarily mean your mom needs someone with her around the clock.
Start with the problems that actually exist.
Maybe she is still independent but needs someone to accompany her to appointments.
Maybe driving is no longer appropriate, so transportation becomes the immediate issue.
Maybe she needs medication reminders and help preparing meals.
Maybe she's physically capable but becoming isolated.
Maybe she is safe during the day but struggles in the evening.
Or perhaps she's already having significant difficulty with bathing, dressing, meals, mobility or staying safely alone.
Write down what a normal week looks like.
Then identify the gaps.
That gives you something much more useful than simply asking:
“Does Mom need home care?”
The better question is:
“Where does Mom need support to continue living the life she wants as safely and independently as possible?”
Where home care can fit
Non-medical home care is only one piece of dementia support, and it isn't necessarily the first thing every family needs.
When it is appropriate, a caregiver can provide things such as companionship, personal-care assistance, meal preparation, light household support, transportation, errands, medication reminders and supervision.
Some families begin with only a few hours of support.
Others eventually need considerably more.
The amount of care can change as the disease changes.
For families in Greater Boston, Sundry Care provides private-pay, non-medical home care for older adults who want to remain at home.
If you're trying to determine what your mom needs, you're welcome to start with a conversation. If home care isn't the right answer yet, that's useful to know too.
A simple first-week checklist
If your mom was diagnosed recently, you don't need a 50-item plan.
Start here:
Schedule or confirm her follow-up appointment and write down your questions.
Assess immediate safety, particularly medications, driving, cooking, falls and getting lost.
Ask your mom what matters to her. Don't build the plan without her.
Review Health Care Proxy, Power of Attorney and other legal/financial documents while she can meaningfully participate.
Call MassOptions at 800-243-4636 and ask what local programs are available.
Save the Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline: 800-272-3900.
Identify one or two areas where your mom could use support now, rather than trying to predict everything she will need later.
Choose one family member to coordinate information so everyone isn't operating from a different version of the plan.
Write down the important information: physicians, medications, pharmacy, insurance, emergency contacts and upcoming appointments.
Make another plan to do something with Mom that has nothing to do with dementia.
That last one matters.
Your mom is still your mom.
A diagnosis changes some things. It doesn't need to immediately become the center of every conversation, every visit or every decision your family makes.
Massachusetts resources to save
For the published article, I'd end with a small resource box rather than burying these throughout the page:
MassOptions: 800-243-4636
Free statewide navigation to aging, disability and dementia-related services. Massachusetts Government
Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline: 800-272-3900
Dementia information, care consultation, local resources and caregiver support. Alzheimer’s Association
Massachusetts Family Caregiver Support Program: Free information, care planning, education and caregiver resources through local Caregiver Specialists. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts Aging Services Access Points: Local agencies connecting residents with home and community-based programs throughout Massachusetts. Massachusetts Government
Massachusetts Dementia Care Planning Resources: State-produced care-planning toolkit, sample care plans and community-services resources. Massachusetts Government
If an older adult may be experiencing abuse, neglect or self-neglect: Massachusetts' Elder Abuse Hotline is 1-800-922-2275. Massachusetts Government
